Forever Only Takes Its Toll on Some
by sothereyougo
Summary: "Carly talked a good game. She always had, particularly when she was pushing somebody away to keep from getting hurt or when she was lying to herself…"


**Warnings:** Sings: "I'm gonna sex them up." Why? Because I can. Also, "Language, Todd!" And angst. (It _is_ Tarly after all.) **Spoilers: **None really if you're caught up through May 2013 of both shows because this is AU supposition. I'm also making two "days" coincide on _GH_ and _nuOLTL_ that were really only approximate and fudging around with a couple of other details, for dramatic effect. **Disclaimer:** If I ever created even one character half as iconic as Todd Manning, I'd die a happy woman. I'm just playing with the pretty, so not to sue please. **Notes:** Since Franco surely won't be getting any any time soon, and that goes the same for Todd from permafrost!Barbie-Blair (although it looked like Ms. J-Woww's character might be interested on the 05-30-13 episode), I needed a little somethin'-somethin' to tide me over. Hee Hee. Title is from "Wildflowers" by Ryan Adams from _Gold,_ 2001. Specific lyrical inspiration at the end. This is for Jynxie, to tide her over too and also especially for all of my dear friends at Cat's place: You know who you are. This is my tribute to Tarly as we knew them all too briefly.

* * *

Carly talked a good game. She always had, particularly when she was pushing somebody away to keep from getting hurt or when she was lying to herself, and Todd was a double-word score on that count because, with him, she'd done both. God, she hated it when she couldn't sleep. She'd already gone and checked on Josslyn, standing over the peacefully-slumbering child in the dark, her heart overwhelmed with emotion like it always was whenever she let herself be still long enough to feel it, and mother-love was the purest kind she'd ever known.

Now she was back in her enormous empty bedroom, staring out the window into the moonlight-drenched nighttime world as a shiver traced her shoulders and flickered lightly down her bare arms. What a day it had been, hearing from Jax's own mouth that he was engaged to Brenda. Why couldn't he see her for the conniving little bitch she always was and always would be? But somehow that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was everything she'd said before he told her about planning to marry that pint-sized skank. Carly had dared to hope, to dream of rekindling the life she'd once wanted so badly with Jax, and the wave of humiliation rolled over her chilled body again from the memory. She shuddered at the recollection of the pathetic, earnest tone she'd taken with him, but for once maybe she was being too hard on herself. How could she have known it was already too late?

So, she'd done what she could to recover, to console herself that, just because it was finally really over for her and Jax, it didn't mean that no man would ever want her again. She'd soaked in her favorite jasmine-scented bath oil and sipped a glass of wine to further help her relax and to try to blur the sharp edges of the unwanted images in her mind, images of Jax and Brenda together.

Then, she'd put on this beautiful nightgown, the cut and lack of sleeves maybe a little too flimsy for the weather, but the azure blue was beautiful, and Carly knew that the color was one of the most flattering on her, not to mention how the silk caressed her naked skin as insinuatingly and sensuously as…

And _that _was the surprise of the day in the end, wasn't it? If she'd considered it at all as she drifted off into the first doze of the night, helped along the path to dreamland by the lingering heat of the bath-water and the faint buzzy languor of the lovely vintage cabernet she'd treated herself to, she would have expected to have been taunted by scenes of Jax breaking his back from how far down, in both senses of the phrase, he had to lean to seal the deal with Brenda on their upcoming wedding day or maybe something more entertaining, such as herself chasing that little vermin with a flyswatter, or, better yet, a sharp butcher knife, but then Carly's unconscious had had quite another scenario dredged up from the slightly less recent past in store for her instead.

* * *

Todd and fear were old friends, lifetime friends really because he couldn't remember a time when the hairspring coils weren't wound up tightly in his gut, the tension an ache he wore across his shoulder blades the same as the back of any ill-treated pup, ever-ready to flinch in anticipation of the next blow at the first sound of his abusive master's voice, the voice of Peter Manning always leaving marks on him on the inside where nobody could see them even when he didn't follow through on the physical end of a given day's threats. There were always the other times when Peter did, and Todd definitely didn't blame Bitsy any more for getting out when she had the chance.

And so Todd had gone out into the world that way, raw and cringing right down to his bones, but he'd learned to hide it under a defensive shield of swagger and blather and bravado, and by the time he'd escaped himself, temporarily at least, to Llanview U., his hard-won athletic prowess had cemented on another layer of protection so that the shield only ever slipped those few times Peter had showed up, not because he wanted to see his "son", but because Todd was in some of the deepest trouble of his life.

Truly, the only times Todd could remember more-or-less safely releasing some of what was festering down in the darkest places inside himself where his wounds were nursed on copious platefuls of steaming resentment and searing fantasies of vengeance that heated his blood to boiling rages, was on the football field when he played on defense, the sport itself rewarding his desire to seek out his "enemies" and fell them with thunderous blows as he tackled them to the ground.

He never mistook an opposing player for a true enemy though because it would have meant personal fouls and not getting to play, and Todd was far too cunning to pass up the opportunities afforded a popular and charismatic athlete on a small-town college campus, opportunities like the girls who swarmed to that type without realizing that they had it all backwards because _they_ were the honey, and Todd was the bee. And Marty wasn't the first lured in by the deceptive beauty of his then-unmarred face and finely-honed body only to discover their error too late, discover that no amount of his carefully-nurtured cunning could withstand the urge that overpowered him to sting and to sting near-fatally when something they did or said reminded him too vividly of the cowering, helpless child within him, turned feral and merciless under Peter Manning's tutelage and example.

Many years had passed since Todd had grown to understand the source of his demons and to place the blame where it belonged, none of it on the girls and women he'd hurt and most of it on Peter, but he would never let himself forget that he had had a choice every time he'd made the wrong one, and he guessed it made sense that tonight of all nights would remind him that there were powerful, lasting reasons for the weight of guilt he carried, deservedly so, for his past, tonight when fear for Dani's life triggered yet more guilt for not trying harder before now to be a father to her, especially considering that he had been using her recent strange phone calls partially as a pretext to return to this place where everywhere he turned earned him an accusing eye or word or, more often, both.

Even so, it was better than lingering in Port Charles after Carly dumped him, no matter that it was the most kindly-phrased break-up of his wretched romantic history thus far. Going back to his football days Todd had learned to compartmentalize pretty well, channeling the pain of Peter's relentless whip-cracking into the near-manic levels he'd chased in some Sisyphean endeavor to earn his "father's" love in the weight room and on the football field where his pathology had found a respite because sports were one locus where excess was rewarded in American culture, there and in the boardroom, another realm where Todd had managed to shine more often than not. So, right now he wasn't going to think about the real reason he had fled his more recent "home" for this wretched burg that was only tolerable because of a select few who resided here, not that any more than one of them, his sister Viki to be precise, returned the sentiment at the moment by tolerating him back.

Instead, he was going to focus on Dani, and doing so wasn't exactly a challenging task considering the horrifying sequence playing in a relentless loop in his head of himself racing up the stairs of that den of hedonism that Blair had, in brutal and unfathomable irony named "Shelter", with the girl's unconscious form lolling bonelessly in his arms. In turn, Todd unconsciously flexed to relieve the faint ache in the shoulder he'd crooked fiercely to try to keep her lovely head from falling free, to prevent the weight of it bouncing around and straining her slender neck, to protect her from that at least, since he was far too late to protect her from whatever demons of her own had led her to poison herself with the drugs that were trying to steal her from him even as he had only just arrived at the last possible second to try to save her, along with the rest of his family, from the monsters that were more literally pursuing him from his own past, only to blindly wander into the mess she'd made of her present. At least these particular monsters were the only ones in his checkered life that he shared no blame for creating, but they were also the ones that he was under threat to keep a nasty secret from everybody he cared about, a threat rendered on fine bond notepaper and comprised of obliquely-worded innuendo, the elegance somehow all the more intimidating for its reiteration of the shadowy organization's signature penchant for mysterious symbols, this time etched on the face of the card itself, not unlike an monogram, but in this case designating menace rather than elitist status-mongering.

The ride from the club to the hospital had been a muted blur racing past the tinted windows of his hired limo as he cradled Dani's head over one arm in his lap, snarling at the driver to get there yesterday if he wanted to survive the night himself, the fingers of his other hand gently though hesitantly stroking the girl's hair. He hadn't done it on purpose, but in his haste to get her out of the club and to medical treatment he'd outpaced her mother and left Tea to follow in her own car.

Maybe it was cruel, but the thought of listening to her wails, most of it likely to be in Spanish that he wouldn't have understood, was more than he could bear after their last harrowing experience in a car of his that terrible night when another child of _hers_ had died in his arms. He was damned if it was going to happen again, and now it didn't seem like it would, but he didn't know that for the entirety of their hellish progress through the nightmare streets of this place the memories of which already haunted him more than enough for one lifetime.

Random thoughts of one of the storybooks he and Blair had bought for Starr before they realized that she was going to be a different kind of princess entirely, the one about the Sleeping Beauty, had intruded into Todd's mind as he'd gazed down at the face of this stranger that had his blood and DNA coursing through her veins, more than one brand of poison then as evidenced by this shared self-destructive streak of hers that he was seeing up far closer than any father should have to no matter how badly he'd failed her by his absence. Maybe it was crazy under the circumstances, but he couldn't help the flash of pride that struck him at her beauty, so different from Starr's or Jack's, but at least he'd given them that, mostly by his choices in their mothers, but some of it was him, and though he'd mostly seen scorn and wariness there, this girl's eyes were eerily like his own gazing mirror-like back at him, well at least on those few occasions when she did favor him with a direct glance.

Speaking of glances, Todd could feel the eyes of Viki on him, so before she could come over and try to comfort him, he muttered, "Need some air," and stalked out of the waiting room off down one of those creepy long white hallways hospitals were famous for.

* * *

Carly wrapped her arms across her chest and clasped the backs of her arms, but that was no defense against the face that had found her in her dream and lingered with her still, Todd's face, and it was one of those freakishly-lifelike dreams that made a person marvel at the power of the brain to retain such vivid sense memories: it was as if her skin was holding on to the sensation of his touch. One hand traveled to her mouth, and her fingertips grazed over her lips as she pressed the others more tightly against the flesh of her arm and squeezed hard.

That was Todd all over: he was all about contrasts, both as a man and as a lover. One moment he'd be ranting about Johnny or McBain or Sonny or whoever had hit a raw nerve with him of late, but the next he was purring soothing words into her ear as he held her through one of her own storms or ever-so-gently exploring her hand for signs of broken glass that day during her ex-brother-in-law's rampage through the Port Charles water supply, searching her eyes with his own equally as carefully for any sign that she was in pain. And he'd been the same on their one night together, alternately tender and primal, watchful and controlled yet also seeming to lose himself at times in passionate carnality.

Carly's chest tightened, her body bracing itself at these recollections as if in anticipation of a renewal of the actual experience. Doubled in intensity by their reenactment, despite the broken and jumbled patterns that were common to dreams, no matter how vivid, fleeting by their nature, the images and touches and smells were only just now beginning to recede from her waking mind. And she didn't want to let them go, didn't want to let _him_ go, so she backed away from the window and closed her eyes, silently begging for the sensations to linger even as she realized that there was only one way to keep this phantom of Todd with her for just a little bit longer.

* * *

Worry allowed Todd no respite as he stood briefly in the cool night air; he couldn't get a clean, full breath in and out for fear that something was happening to this other daughter that he wasn't so far gone as to believe he could actually prevent by returning to his vigil there in the waiting room, but he was a man whose flirtations and outright tempting of fate over the course of his life had so far brought him next to nothing but calamity, so he hurried back all the same.

Viki smiled at him faintly, tired lines etched next to her eyes that held kindness and what he was choosing to interpret as sympathy rather than pity because he knew she knew him better than to think he'd put up with_ that_.

"Did I miss—"

"No, Todd, we've only had the one report you were here for. She's stable but still pretty sedated."

Irrationally, the tune and chorus of that Ramones song from the 80's popped unbidden into his mind, and part of him madly wished for just a moment that there was some way he could both have something to take the edge off of the stark reality of this moment and yet have it leave him sharp and alert enough to do battle with the next dragon that rolled up into his face spoiling for a fight.

"Okay."

It must have been something she saw in that face that had Viki instantly on her feet and striding towards him, and he'd used up his only hall pass already, so there was nothing for it but to stand here and deal with it, whatever she was going to say.

"Todd, it's so late, and you look exhausted. I know you won't try to sleep, but why not go and get something to eat and have a shower, clear your head a little."

He cast a pointed glance down at his impeccably-tailored and only slightly rumpled suit, right on down to the hand-made shoes that had once drawn the particular scrutiny of Carly's uncle Luke back in Port Charles.

"I _look_ fabulous. Do I reek?"

"Oh, Todd. Of course not, but then you know that."

"Thank you, but it's true I haven't checked into The Palace yet. I'll go do that, but I'll be back in no more than an hour. Call me if anything changes."

"I will call you if we get so much as an update that nothing has changed, I promise."

It must have been the adrenaline wearing off with the attending creeping fatigue that had him even slightly dropping the protective armor that his greatest fear, that somebody he loved or was at least responsible for might be hurt without his being able to avert it, had clamped for dear life onto every inch of vulnerable skin, but he really was so glad and grateful that Viki was here right now for him and here for Dani too.

"Thank you, Viki. Thanks for everything."

"It's all going to be just fine, my dear, I promise you that."

Somehow, apart from the universal, if rather pedestrian, platitude expressed, two of Viki's words: the "my" and "dear", from anyone else so formal and old-fashioned, were the very ones Todd needed to hear, so he embraced her and let them sink in, the novel idea that to at least one person in this world he was just that, both hers, her brother, and dear to her.

* * *

Carly found herself sitting on the foot of her bed, eyes still tightly closed as she strained to call up the feel of Todd's kiss, but, again, there were so many more than the one kind. He'd once pressed his lips to her forehead fervently through the bars of a jail cell. That one had somehow felt like penance and reverence at the same time. And on another occasion, near the end of their time together, he'd kissed her so lightly and gently that the ache of his absence afterward had stayed with her for hours, if not days. But neither of these were what she wanted to think about now, partly because there was pain associated with them and not the kind she liked the taste of.

Drawing her feet up and pressing her palms into the mattress, she edged up on the bed and laid back. At the stroke of midnight on The Haunted Star she'd kissed _him_, full of promise, and he'd kissed her back and suggested they get the hell out of there. He'd been a little more polite with his choice of phrase, but the meaning underneath was anything but, and that was proved true the second he'd shut the door of his room because, before she could take a breath, he'd pushed her against that door, a little rough in his haste, and stifled her gasp of surprise with his mouth engulfing hers while his hand, fingers long and palm warm, claimed the side of her face and head, the kiss demanding that she open herself to what he wanted, to what he knew they both wanted, the hand more gentle and measured, more of a cradle than a vice.

When he pressed himself against her, Carly could feel in the classic way how much he wanted her, and behind her closed lids, much as she was doing now, she was even then translating the crush of fabric between them into the half-naked body she'd seen instead on Halloween, seen and felt that night but only seen that time much earlier in their acquaintance when he'd greeted her bare-chested in his suite just after he'd turned the Port Charles newspaper into another edition of his own newspaper franchise, The Sun, introducing himself to his new readers with a front page self-portrait photograph and a headline that was a rakish musical quote, all Rolling Stones rock n' roll swagger, sexy as hell as he'd playfully mocked her feigned sense of propriety by flexing his pecs at her. It wasn't like she hadn't checked out that perky, perfectly-rounded little ass of his that day the first time he'd turned his back to her after all, but he didn't know that, just like she hadn't ever gotten the chance to tell him that his little show of really-justified vanity had gotten her hot, well before she'd ever considered for a moment the possibility of actually having sex with him.

Then, back to New Year's Eve when he'd pulled away and offered her a night-cap and all throughout the ensuing conversation while they'd negotiated their way past most of their few remaining reservations, all she could really think about was getting him completely naked and seeing and touching for herself the remaining parts of his body that were still a mystery. As the memories themselves and the refresher course from her dream remained within her grasp, Carly's hands closed over the full curves of her breasts recalling that she had been the one to initiate things again, leaning in to kiss him from her perch on the end of the coffee table, but then he'd taken control of the kiss and, guiding her back and down onto the table, he'd followed her down, once again cradling her head, this time at the back of it, and it was a thoughtful, courteous gesture that simultaneously held her in place where he wanted her to be, his tongue insistent yet seductive as it probed hers, a parallel in deed as it so often was in his words, beguiling her with their deceptive banter before taking some startling turn that more often than not had her baring some part of herself to him that she'd thought was carefully hidden.

As they'd begun their inexorable but circuitous journey to his bed, she'd started undressing him by unknotting and winding his tie around her fingers, the length of it trailing down his shoulder and chest and ending up loosely draped in both her hands. Circling around and taking a step or two back, all feline stealth and grace, he'd locked onto her gaze and then, quick as a big cat, he'd snatched the garment back from her, one sardonically-lifted brow and the twinkling flash of humor in his eyes silently expressing that he knew all too well the symbolism of the gesture: Carly was certainly more than welcome to that particular corresponding part of his anatomy, but Todd was going to be the one to wield it.

As if to begin the demonstration of that idea, he'd completed his circle around her and made short work of removing his shirt before embracing her from behind, his breath on her neck only beginning the race of erotic shivers down it's length as he'd filled his hands with looping coils of her hair to uncover his target, and here Carly's fingertips moved to the exact spot, one that her new shorter hair no longer shielded, that he'd nipped with his teeth, once again calling to mind the ministrations of a jungle cat, claws sheathed and power restrained in service of savoring the first delicate taste of the meal it plans to make of its prey.

But that would be over-simplifying things because Todd's version would have to be some kind of anthropomorphized hybrid that was capable of true tenderness that smoothed over the unsavory aspects of the predatory image most commonly associated with the various species as they existed in the wild except when they were tending to their young, something else the two of them had in common because she'd seen plenty of evidence that Todd was every bit as fiercely and yet so lovingly paternal as she was herself maternal.

In the end it hadn't been the physical responses he'd elicited from her body thus far, one part born of the care and skill he took in evoking them from her with every kiss and touch and one part the unknowable mysterious thing that made two people want each other far more than just the fact that they were both pretty damn easy on the eyes could sometimes do, seeing as how the world was full of attractive men to whom she wouldn't give the time of day. Instead, the moment when she'd finally quelled all the doubts and fears flickering across her face, ones he couldn't see from his position behind her, which was definitely for the best because they would have had him backing away as skittishly as the extended cat metaphor that she thought mostly fit him reasonably well, was when his embrace subtly morphed for just a few seconds from sexual desire to a near child-like abandonment to the joy of the moment, that Christmas-morning-all-is-right-with-the-world-righ t-now feeling she intuited when he went from caressing her ribs and pressing the most highly-aroused part of his body against her ass and instead just squeezed her extra-tight and let his head fall over her shoulder and then linger like some part of him knew that in her he'd found, for as long as it lasted, a little piece of true home. Because she, like him, had learned the extremely hard way that it was better to seek that illusory place as a state of being because it couldn't be tethered to any temporal landscape, her heart opened to him.

In that moment he won her surrender, not sexually, because she'd already made up her mind that she had to have him, damn the consequences, but in unfiltered response to that one vulnerable gesture she'd decided that, no matter what happened later, it would all be worth it, and it did her good to remember that now. What it also did was heighten her will to hold on to all that followed, her body reacting again just as it had to the freedom to feel she'd found then. So, she reached under the hem of the filmy silk gown and raised her hips as she slipped her panties down and arched first one foot and then the other to get them out of her way.

Todd had spent a lot of time getting better acquainted with her breasts as well, but, former sportsman though he might be, he had proved himself not one to follow any schoolyard enumeration of bases to hit in any specific order, rather choosing to relieve her first of this same piece of clothing, on the night a black thong trimmed in front in sheer embroidered lace that matched her bra.

_"Special occasion undies?"_

_He grinned impishly and twirled the panties, gunslinger style, around one index finger._

_Carly grinned back, rolling her eyes at him for good measure._

_"Well, it is New Year's Eve."_

_Taking them off his finger and holding them up for a little mock-serious scrutiny, he proceeded to throw them over his shoulder before running his fingers lightly a few times up and down her shins in silence. Carly almost imagined she could hear her heart beating in the stillness. Then, he clasped one of her ankles in each of his hands and pulled her legs carefully apart. Crouching on his elbows and knees between them, he crawled forward a little and trailed a fingertip up the inner part of her knee and thigh. First locking eyes with her for a long moment, he dropped them to her mouth, observing her lick her upper lip more in anticipation than from nervousness, and then his gaze continued down to the rise and fall of her chest as he smiled with one side of his mouth as he pretended to appraise the design and fit of the other half of her lingerie ensemble. Reaching back, he cupped behind her knees and bent her legs higher and further apart, finally speaking in a throaty whisper._

_"So now we know you have good taste. . ."_

_Without further preamble he lowered his head and pressed his tongue against her and ran it slowly upward, curling the tip as he went._

_"…and you taste good too."_

_Then, he stopped talking altogether, choosing instead to devote his talented tongue to entirely nonverbal iterations, apparently content to let Carly carry the conversation, not that she managed much more than elongated monosyllables she wouldn't have been able to translate and didn't give a damn, with the one exception being frequent repetitions of his name as he continued to push her closer to the edge._

Carly moved her fingers more rapidly in imitation of Todd's remembered ministrations, the dream from earlier that night helping her along because it had refreshed her recollections of his face and body in scorching detail. Her own lacked the length and size of his, but the verisimilitude of the dream helped her here too as she slipped first one and then two digits inside just as he had.

_Having teasingly stopped short of giving her release, he shushed her little moan of protest and climbed up higher to remove her last remaining garment and then kissed his way down the side of her throat and on to her breast, finally using his tongue again on its nearly-as-sensitive tip, once again nipping with his teeth as he'd done earlier to her neck to elicit the same involuntary arch and sharp inhalation._

_"Just making sure I had your full attention."_

_Carly was hot and bothered as hell, but she knew how to play this game too._

_"Allow me to demonstrate, Todd."_

_She reached down and ran her hand up the front of his pants, pressing and cupping with her palm only to receive the anticipated reaction of his being momentarily at a loss for words, but it was Todd, so the deficit was indeed only momentary._

_"I see what you mean."_

_In playful yet exquisite retaliation, he started to use his fingers again inside her. He made a sound in his throat that told her he wanted more._

_"Take them off, or did you want me to do it for you?"_

_Pressing her hands into his chest, she pushed lightly._

_Todd extracted his fingers slowly and rolled over on his side, supporting his weight on a crooked forearm, and regarded her expectantly. Carly kept her eyes on his as she undid his belt and unfastened the pants before sliding his zipper down and reaching inside to slide past the already-stretched fabric of his boxer briefs. Now, it was his turn to sharply inhale as she took him into her hand and moved her fingers down to create firm but relatively-gentle friction._

_"Can I tell you something, Carly?"_

_"Anything, Todd."_

_"I'd rather you think I was just thoughtful rather than presumptuous, but I have some condoms under the pillow."_

_Carly smiled and then turned to get one, tearing the package carefully so as not to damage the contents. In the meantime, Todd finished removing his pants and underwear and had resumed the same position waiting for her. When he didn't reach for the little packet, she realized he wanted her to do those honors too, so she rewarded his thoughtfulness first, enjoying the way his breath was quickening and the little sounds that escaped his beautiful mouth at the feel of her hand on his bare skin. And, damn, he surely did have a beautiful mouth, lips soft and full, a mouth a lot of women would envy._

_After enough of that to pay him back for teasing her to the point of madness earlier, she stopped and rolled on the sheath._

_"Thank you."_

_"Any time."_

_"I might hold you to that, no pun intended."_

_Carly shook her head and grinned._

_"Do you ever just get out of your own head?"_

_He smirked._

_"Do you really want me to answer that?"_

_"Please, Todd."_

_Instantly, he turned some kind of serious, pressing her down on her back and climbing on top of her, brushing his chest against hers before raising himself up higher to regard her intently._

_"We can do anything you want, I promise, Carly. I do really care about you, care for you. You believe me, don't you?"_

_"Of course I do, and I care about you too."_

_"Okay, so how do you feel about dirty talk?"_

_"What?"_

_"I don't mean a continuous narration, just the occasional comment. I might get carried away a little, and I don't want to offend you."_

_"You won't."_

_"I'd say, 'You'd be surprised,' but I'm sure you've done your homework."_

_"It's okay, Todd."_

_He leaned down and kissed her, all sweetness to begin but soon ramping up to wet and hungry, even starving._

By this time, the memory of what happened next was more than Carly could put into words, even inside her own head, so the images and sensations took over as her fingers honed in and brought her closer and closer.

_Reaching down he guided himself to her; assuring himself she was ready for him, he pressed inside slowly, all the way in and pulled back a little before going in again with a little greater force._

_"Fuuuuck."_

_Carly arched up at him._

_"See, I told you. I've been wanting this, wanting you, so long—"_

_"And I made you wait."_

_"It was worth it."_

_Todd began moving again, and Carly moved in kind._

"Todd…Todd…Todd."

She could almost believe he was really here again with her as her fingers and the memories and the dream all three together pushed her to release. The near-reality of the dream-stimulus in particular intensified the keenness of the spasms that rippled within her and gradually faded away.

Then, it was all over, and she was just alone.

* * *

Was there anything more lonely than a newly-rented hotel room? The expensive ones Todd favored still all seemed the same to him at first glance, polished and primped like top-dollar whores, but, no matter how beautiful, the welcome was only surface and cool professionalism, nothing like home, nothing like having someone there who was really happy to see you, whose day-to-day warmth could heat to glorious passion, whether fighting or fucking, because she really cared. Of course, this particular line of thought was all about Carly.

Todd tipped the bellman generously, mostly to avoid so-called pleasantries and to be rid of him, all of that the same as any other such occurrence, but tonight, or more like this morning, based on the hour and despite the fact that it was still as dark outside as was most of what was inside his head, he nonetheless wanted to be free of distractions to follow the faint glimmer offered by that flickering memory of all he'd just lost, or at the least the possibility of all it might have been. Also beckoning at the center of a side table was one old friend that never turned him away, and it was quite a welcome sight despite the fact that it too was bought and paid for: a lovely decanter of finely-aged single malt scotch. There was a single lamp turned on at one end of the same table, the only illumination in the room, which also suited his mood perfectly

He poured and raised the glass to his lips, the liquid scraping a trail of golden flame all the way down, not unlike Carly's nails digging into the flesh of his back as their lovemaking had ascended to fevered intensity. And it _was_ lovemaking as far as Todd was concerned, at least at the emotional level, but on the physical level that was too pretty a word.

_Somehow he was holding on. Maybe he'd drunk just the right amount of alcohol to still feel everything in excruciating clarity but not give in to it too soon: the fine-grained softness of Carly's skin sliding slickly against his own on every down-stroke, but there were differentiating degrees of softness as well, the petal-smoothness where breast gave way to nipple and the same multiplied exponentially where he was rocking inside her by the copious wetness that made the friction so exquisite, and that was why he was surprised and yet grateful that his cumulatively vast quantities of abstinence and deprivation hadn't rendered him incapable of lasting long enough to make sure she was satisfied too._

_Or at least he hoped to, and based on the sounds she was making and the incoherent but generally filthy things she was murmuring, Todd felt cautiously optimistic that things could end as well as they were already going. There just wasn't a "nice" way to tell her how great it all felt, so he decided not to try. He slackened his pace just enough to be able to kiss her without rattling the teeth out of her head._

_"Carly, you are so fucking beautiful."_

_She kissed him in reply, pulling his lower lip into her mouth and sucking down hard before ghosting her teeth over it as she released it again. Her tone was low and faux-conspiratorial._

_"Todd Manning, don't you dare say I'm beautiful fucking."_

_"Am I already that predictable?"_

_He slowed his thrusting and drew back, circling his hips sinuously as he eased forward again, then repeated the motions._

_"Noooooo."_

_"Good. I was worried."_

_"You were not. Oh...my-"_

_"Todd?"_

_Carly laughed and then let out a low moan._

_"Actually, yeah."_

_He gazed into her eyes intently._

_"You are, though."_

_"What?"_

_"What you said I'd say."_

_"Thank you. The view from here is pretty damn spectacular too. Just sayin'."_

_Carly ran her eyes over his body appreciatively before meeting his eyes and locking on. An extra frisson of heat washed over every part of him at her frank appraisal. God, she was so fucking hot._

Todd turned up the glass and finished its contents. There hadn't been any talking to speak of after that, just the two of them straining and pushing each other until their efforts were rewarded in the traditional way, and he had been able to hold out until he felt her movements change and then cease as the pleasure overcame her, which freed him to follow moments later, and now, not that he could speak for her, but he thought the best part of it all was getting to watch her face as she came, open and totally-unguarded, no matter that ruminating on the specifics had stirred his body momentarily, even despite the heavier and heavier weight of encroaching exhaustion that spent adrenaline was forcing on him and which he was going to fight off as he'd done many times before because he needed to get back to the hospital momentarily.

A stab of near agony assaulted the center of his chest, and there were any number of competing sources that could have claimed ownership over it, but this particular ache was for Carly because he was finally starting to believe he'd never get the chance to tell her that their one night together would remain one of the most special experiences of his life, not because they'd finally had sex, but because he was sure he'd really found his way, even if for just that moment, inside her heart, and he only wished he'd been able to make it his home.

* * *

The night was silent. Signs of spring had begun to appear around Port Charles, but it was too early for crickets, and it wasn't near enough to daybreak for the birds to serenade the dawn. Carly was drowsy and warm, and it was all she could do to stop her mind from starting in racing again.

When Michael had dutifully passed on Todd's farewell message to her, she'd dismissed it as a strong reaction to the finality she'd expressed at their last parting. She'd felt sure that he would do what he'd always done before, give her a little space to settle down and then charm her into his orbit again. Now, she was starting to believe it was really true: Todd was gone, and he was never coming back.

And even as she drifted off to sleep, Carly was equally as sorry for that fact as she was that she'd been too afraid to give him another chance to live up to his side of the beautiful dream they'd first wanted to build together that cold January day before everything started to crash into chaos around them, one with room for imperfection and mistakes, but full of love and friendship and forgiveness, a sanctuary perfect for two irredeemable sinners if they were willing to share the journey of repentance while gifting each other with yet-unearned grace.

Instead, her fear had pushed him away, and for once in his life, it seemed that Todd wasn't going to push back. Part of her, that really stubborn part that he might not see as her best quality right about now, might yet prove to both of them that it actually could be because she was going to give him some more time, a few months maybe, to nurse his wounds, and then, if she really didn't hear from him, then maybe the next move was going to have to be hers. It only seemed fair in a way, especially if it ended up being too late.

* * *

The hand holding the empty glass remained pressed to his heart, but the pain began to dissipate slowly, and Todd struggled to take in a deep breath. Suddenly, light filled the room and blinded him, a lesser pain than the one he'd just withstood striking as his eyes reacted sharply to the comparative glare, his other hand flying up belatedly to shield them.

"What the hell?"

"What the hell indeed?"

A stranger appeared in Todd's peripheral vision and circled around to stand before him just out of arm's reach, a man approximately his own age if not a few years younger, of comparable height and build, maybe a bit more densely muscled, but not conspicuously so. His hair and eyes were dark, and he was dressed in a dark suit and tie, his air authoritative, yet Todd was certain he wouldn't be producing any law enforcement credentials. His kind didn't go in for that sort of official channels nicety.

"Well, that was just stupid. What are you even talking about? I guess they don't hire you guys for your rapier wits, just for offing people with the literal rapiers, right?"

"Mr. Manning, you were expected hours ago. You would be wise to avoid such delays in the future."

A sick feeling crashed into Todd's gut and washed about sluggishly with the scotch and the entire lack of having eaten any dinner.

"I'm sure you already know what happened tonight. If you assholes had anything to do with nearly overdosing my daughter, I'll see you burn in hell even if I have to go there in person to do it. "

"The hospital records indicate that Danielle suffered an overdose of OxyContin and alcohol, a messy combination, Mr. Manning. It wasn't her first ride on the carousel either, based on the account of her friend, Matthew Buchannon."

"Don't you dare say her name. You don't know her. You stay away from her. You don't touch any of my family. You evil sons of bitches said you'd leave them all be if I did what you asked, and I'm going to. I just need a little more time."

"That may be true, but there are those who believe you are merely prolonging the inevitable because you think you can devise a way of shirking your responsibilities and still avoid the promised consequences. It's understandable. You've been able to squirm your way out of quite a few, shall we say, sticky situations over the years. Perhaps my superiors decided to make it crystal clear to you that this isn't going to be one of those situations."

"Your superiors, oh, that would be the entire vertebrate branch of the animal kingdom then."

Todd's pulse was racing madly, and he could feel droplets of sweat at the nape of his neck. The very idea that these people had dosed Dani's drug stash was at a level of horror even beyond the shocking discovery that she was experimenting with such hard-core drugs in the first place, but there was no way he was letting this flunkie see how terrified he was. No fucking way.

"This will be your last warning. You'd best get back to the hospital, Mr. Manning, if you want a chance to see your daughter before she's alert enough to show you the same level of hospitality you've shown me. You haven't even offered me a drink."

"You can tell your masters that you recited their threats adequately. You can also go fuck yourself, but first get the hell out of my room."

"Goodbye, Mr. Manning. For your sake, I hope we don't meet again."

Todd refused to bid this freak "good" anything, so he remained stonily silent.

Much as he wanted to sink to the floor or scream or to throw something other than the decanter of scotch against the wall as an outlet for this unbearable powerlessness and frustration, he now realized there was every reason to believe that some similar dead-eyed zombie was sitting in some little room somewhere watching his every move in this place. He had reason to know all about their propensity for surveillance. It was where he'd learned it from after all.

No, it was far better that he head back over to the hospital, so he could at least be close to the first person the monsters had targeted to teach him a lesson about balking at their orders. Maybe he'd think of a way out of it, and maybe he wouldn't, but even as he closed the door on the dark and now truly-empty hotel room, he realized that, with all of his family here in Llanview in such immediate danger, the best and only thing he could do for Carly was to make it seem that she hadn't really mattered to him. The best way to do that was to break all contact with her for the foreseeable future. If and when he survived this mess, maybe he'd get a chance to go back and fight for her again because, if he got out of this one relatively unscathed, then damn near anything was possible.

Lyrics to "Wildflowers" by Ryan Adams from _Gold_, 2001:

(The parts in italics are the ones that specifically inspired, or I should say insisted, that I write this particular story now when I have, as usual, other things I was "supposed to" write first. Also, the melody to this song is so beautiful in my opinion. I highly recommend trying the link at the beginning to listen to an acoustic recording in duet form of the song with Neal Casal. Interestingly, or maybe not, LOL, the original lyrics refer to a "him" and reference the point of view of Matilda, the character named in the song (in the case of this story a stand-in for Carly), but the linked version uses "her", which changes the point of view to the beloved of that character. In Tarly's case, sadly, both ways fit just fine. )

Poor girl, no Ma

Nothing much to speak of but a rough diamond

Sleep now and your angels will come, dear

Poor Matilda

_Handcuffed hard to the wheel_

_And steering wildly_

_Through love's fields, so blindly_

_Forever only takes its toll on some_

_But, tonight you're sleeping alone without him_

_Tonight you're sleeping alone without him_

_And everything went up in smoke like wildflowers_

_Wildflowers, dear_

_Poor girl, lonely_

_Shuffles through the parade_

_Of a sleepless circus promenade_

_Hold on, dear_

Poor girl, no Ma

Sister steals her a coat

For the windless breezes

Sleep now and Jesus will come, dear

_Forever only takes it's toll on some_

_But, tonight you're sleeping alone without him_

_Tonight you're sleeping alone without him_

_And everything went up in smoke like wildflowers_

_Wildflowers, dear_


End file.
